Confessions of an All American Blonde
by annoying talking animal
Summary: It was just an ordinary day with the Bladebreakers when the author realized that no day with the bladebreakers is ordinary. Max spills all. No pairings, no OCs, just good old fashioned "comedy". BUT THERE'S MORE! What's this? An UPDATE? 3 years too late?
1. Monday

_**Confessions of an All-American Blonde**_

[EDIT] Hey there, still ATA here! Just editing up the story. A lot. Enjoy! :)

**A/N- HEY! For those of you who know me, hi! For those who don't, I'm Annoying Talking Animal.  
**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Beyblade. There, I said it.**

**Well, I hope you enjoy, and please review. Flames welcomed then made fun of!**

Max: Hello, and welcome to my computerized journal! I dunno who you are, and I dunno who I are either! Just kidding. Ignore me. Read on and discover the wondrous thing that is my head. Beware of insanity and mentions of swearing, homosexuality (big word) and idiocy. You've been warned. And beware of OOC-ness too, because it wouldn't be as funny if there wasn't any. So read on, friends, and review! Thanks!

**Monday**

I woke up to the sound of Hilary and Tyson screaming at each other. As usual. I wonder why I bother setting my alarm clock?

Today, apparently, Hilary had 'borrowed' a piece of Tyson's chocolate bar. I will never know why he was eating a chocolate bar at 7:30 in the morning. Anyway, he freaked out. And now they're screaming at each other from opposite ends of the house. They might as well get married tomorrow. And make me Best Man:)

I went downstairs to congratulate them on the engagement, but they both looked at me like I was insane. Oh well, at least they shut up.

Kai was sitting at the kitchen table sulking. Ray was sitting beside him eating breakfast, smiling vaguely to himself. God, I just don't get those two. Just to annoy them, I joined a RayXKai pairing fanlisting a couple weeks ago, but if Kai finds out he will murder me. I'm willing to take that chance though.

Kenny was typing furiously. As usual. It was just a usual day with the bladebreakers.

Tyson and Hilary entered the room. I turned and smiled.

"So, when's the wedding?" I asked innocently. Ray laughed. Even Kai grinned. I can be quite the comedian sometimes.

"Shut up, Max," Hilary snapped. Ooh, someone's having a bad day.

I continued to smile. "Can I be Best Man?"

"No, _I_ want to be Best Man!" Ray whined.

"Why?" asked Kai monotonously.

I inwardly rolled my eyes. "I asked first," I told Ray sternly.

"But I whined!" Ray whined.

I looked at him with my 'puppy eyes', widening my eyes as much as I could. It made me look slightly deranged, but he got the picture.

He sighed. "Fine, you win."

"You'd better believe it!"

Tyson and Hilary were still glaring at me. I smiled again and sat down at the table. "So, Kai, what are we doing today?"

Kai raised his eyebrows. "Training."

"Again?" asked Hilary. "But they've been training for three days straight!"

"That's nothing," Ray told her. "Last year we trained for a straight month."

"And woke up at 5 every day," I added.

"In the morning," Tyson exclaimed.

No kidding.

"No kidding," Ray said. I think he's a mind reader.

"I wake up at 5 anyway," Kai said.

That's because you're nocturnal.

"That's because you're… an owl," Ray decided. Close enough. Owls are nocturnal.

"Don't owls eat cats?" asked Tyson.

"That would be mice," Kenny explained.

"Mice eat cats?" I had to ask that to show off my comedian skills.

"No, Max, owls eat mice."

Well, maybe Kenny isn't smart enough to catch on to my brilliant humour, but I will not say that out loud. It would hurt his feelings. So I settled for smiling at him. As usual.

"You guys have the weirdest conversations," Dizzi piped up.

"Tell me about it," Ray nodded.

Kai rolled his eyes in agreement.

I smiled. Nothing ever changes around here.

Tyson took a bite of chocolate.

Like I said, nothing ever changes around here.

"Young 'uns are like potatoes," I said unexpectedly. Everyone looked at me like I was insane.

"Max, you're insane," Ray told me.

"Who's Max?" I replied.

I don't know where I get this stuff from, but whoever works there deserves a platter of fruit. I will deliver it personally.

"I'm leaving," Kai announced.

"Thanks for that critical information, Kai," Ray joked.

"Oh, it is critical," Dizzi laughed. "It means the room will be 0.0000000001 percent quieter."

"Did you actually calculate that?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. Amazing, isn't it?"

"Not really. I would have expected something like that. But I say there should be more zeroes and less ones," Ray laughed.

"No, he makes a little but of noise. Like, when he moves his chair. Or sighs in exasperation," Kenny said fairly.

"Thanks, chief," Kai said sarcastically, walking out of the room.

"Someone's having a bad day," I commented.

"This is pretty good for Kai, actually. He said something," Tyson told me excitedly.

Thanks Tyson. I noticed.

Half an hour later we decided to go out. We had to threaten Kai with three leeks and a mushroom to make him join us. Leeks and mushrooms scare him for some reason. Personally, I like mushrooms, but that's Kai for you. Weird at the best of times.

We walked out the door and Tyson, Ray and Kai were immediately surrounded by newspaper reporters and fangirls. Eventually, after fighting a few journalists off with an umbrella, we got out onto the lawn. People pointed as we walked by. I smiled at them pityingly. A few more teenaged girls trailed us, giggling madly. Then my cell phone rang. The ring tone was "If you're happy and you know it", and every time it rang Tyson, Ray and I had started to sing along. Each time this happened, Kai would disown us. Then buy us back from crazy fangirls.

"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!" we sang, clapping our hands madly.

"JUST ANSWER THE (bleep!)ING PHONE!" Kai shouted over our singing. A girl gasped.

Laughing madly, I answered the call. "Hello?"

"Hi. It's me."

"Who's me?"

"You know, me."

"Me who?"

"Me as in your mother."

I groaned. She only called me every five minutes these days.

"Oh, hi mom."

"Hi. What are you doing?"

"Walking. Being trailed by fangirls." I looked back at them and glared.

"Oh… Where are you going?"

"Don't know… Why are you calling?"

"To find out what you're doing."

"Okay, from now on this number is an emergency line only. Don't call unless there's a reason." I hung up angrily.

"Your mom?" asked Tyson.

"Yup. Finding out what I'm doing. Again." I told him calmly. As if.

"She needs to have another kid," Ray decided.

"No! Then I'd be an older brother!"

"Better then being a younger brother," Tyson said decisively.

I opened my mouth to reply, but Kai interrupted. How rude. Moody and rude.

"Don't start." He sounded like my father. Well, my father before the divorce. These days there's no one to argue with in front of him.

"You sound like my father used to," I told him wisely.

"Used to?" asked Tyson stupidly.

"Yes, dimwit, _used to_," Hilary snapped. That was mean. She deserves to be hit. As long as I don't have to do it.

"Stop being so sensitive about my feelings, Hilary," I told her.

"I DON'T GET IT!" Tyson wailed.

"Well," Kai explained slowly. "Sometimes, when two people think they love each other and get married, they have an amazingly annoying blond kid and then start to fight a lot and don't want to live together anymore. It's called DIV-ORCE."

"Did you know mustard is one of the least healthy foods on earth?" Ray piped up. We all looked at him.

"No it isn't," I argued.

"Someone likes mustard here a little too much, and it's not Tyson," Kenny said. We all turned.

"You haven't said anything for this whole walk, did you know that?" Tyson told him.

As he said that, we arrived outside the mall.

"Let's go to the mall," Ray decided. Gee, I wonder where he got that idea from.

"Cool!" Tyson exclaimed, and we all walked through the automatic doors into the paradise (not) that was the mall.

"I need more socks," decided Kenny.

"You always need more socks," I told him. It was true. Every time we ended up in this hellhole, Kenny bought socks.

"Let's look at the blade parts," Tyson exclaimed.

"I don't need any," I announced. They all looked at me. "My mom sent me tons of extra stuff in the mail."

That was just one advantage of having parents like mine: They give me free parts.

"Lucky," Tyson muttered. "Well, come in and look anyway."

After looking at parts for half an hour, I began to get bored, so I stood on Ray's right side and tapped him on the left shoulder. He looked around wildly and I crept away, searching for my next victim. Then I saw Kai, counting his money and eyeing something in the window.

"There's no need to count, Kai, you have enough," I told him. It was true, Kai was rich.

"Shut up and go annoy someone else," he told me gruffly. But he _did_ stop counting (just for the record, Kai DID follow my advice. Did everyone hear that? He DID follow my advice.)

I set off to find Tyson. I eventually found him asking Dizzi about the quality of some stuff.

"I'm bored," I announced.

"Go annoy Ray," Kenny advised.

"Been there, done that."

"Go annoy Kai," Tyson suggested.

"Done."

"Annoy Hilary," Dizzi told me.

"She's gone."

"I'm stumped," Tyson admitted.

"Me too," said Dizzi. "Have you explored the store?"

"Yup."

"Then meet us at the food court," Tyson said.

"Fine." I took an escalator down to the food court, where a small kid walked up to me.

"Are you Max?"

"Yes…"

"Wow! Really? Max Tate?"

"Yes…"

"Wow… You're my idol!"

"Uh… thanks."

Kai walked up behind me and the kid squeaked. "Gotta go!" and ran away.

"Hi, Kai. Come sit with me."

"Okay. Tyson says not to buy any food yet."

"Oh. I better eat all I can while he's not here, then."

I went over to a food stand and bought something to eat, and sat down at a table with Kai.

"Did you buy that thing you were thinking of buying?" I asked him between mouthfuls of food.

He stared at me blankly. Honestly, it wasn't _that_ unspecific!

"The one you were counting your money for…"

"Oh. Yes."

"Cool." It's so hard to make conversation with near-silent people. Especially when giggling fangirls were sneaking up behind him.

Tyson, Kenny and Ray finally showed up. "Max! I said not to eat!"

"Which means, 'you'd better eat fast or else I will eat everything you buy'," I explained cheerfully.

He blinked at me, then gave up and went to buy some food.

Kenny sat down. "Kai, can't you look less hot and get rid of those fangirls? They drive me insane!"

We all stared at him.

"Did you just call Kai hot?" asked Ray.

Kenny blinked, and said "_I_ don't think you're hot, I mean hot to them… honestly, people these days."

I agree. A man can't call another man hot anymore! How horrific! Not.

Tyson returned with six trays of food. Okay, I exaggerated. But a lot, anyway.

"I dunno why they sell watches at a food place, but hey… What did I miss?"

When Tyson was finished eating (6 hours later) we walked home. It was almost dark.

"We didn't even train today!" I exclaimed.

"Thank God," Tyson laughed.

"Speaking of God, we haven't heard a wedding date yet!" I told him.

"Max, it's getting old," Hilary complained. Tyson nodded in agreement. They have no appreciation for true comedic geniousity, or something along those lines.

When we arrived home everyone lounged in the living room and watched a TV Interview with Miguel.

"Yes, I am very good friends with Tyson Granger…" he was saying pompously.

"What? Me and Miguel? Friends? He's using me for publicity! Why didn't I think of that?"

Yes, Tyson, using yourself for publicity will work wonders. Not.

Anyway, that's enough recording for one day. Remind me to unplug my alarm clock.

Until later then,

-Max (Stands for Mother is an Absolute Xmoron) Tate.

**A/N- How was that? Review!**


	2. Tuesday

**A/N: [EDIT] Sorry, deleting the review responses. Sorry sorry. I'm just renovating this fic, making it funnier and less... well, not funny. Been a while, hasn't it? [/EDIT]  
**

**On with the fic!**

**Wait…**

**Off with the fic! I forgot a Disclaimer…**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Beyblade. A note to anyone who thought otherwise: You are the weakest link! Goodbye! Wait, there's more. I don't own General Hospital, Days of Our Lives, or any other soap. Jawbreakers are not mine, Nerds are owned by Willy Wonka and Cherry Blasters are the best, but unfortunately not mine wither. Anything else isn't mine except the writing itself. I wrote this all on my lonesome.**

**And NOW, on with the fic!  
**

A note from Max: HEY! I can't believe you all made it through chapter one alive! But you did, and welcome to the second part of my Computerized journal where I record slightly inaccurate thoughts and events throughout my day! Beware: TyHil hinting! Also, mentions of yaoi! If you're offended by this... I'm offended by you. :( Also, insanity, randomness, and people acting like idiots will be included. Oh, a biggie is that people tend to be **_OOC_** in this fic. Oh, and Erm the Great is the original creator of "Max stands for Mother is an Absolute Xmoron." There, I said it, happy now?

Tuesday

Ah. Aah. Aaah.

Ray was on my computer!

AAAAAH.

And, he found the RayKai pairing site bookmarked. Oh well. I can't keep a secret anyway.

AND, he almost found Chapter 1 of my journal… but, fortunately, I woke up.

Yes, the reason Ray was looking through all my stuff was because I slept in. Ahem. It wasn't my fault, Tyson and Hilary are usually up and arguing at 7:30 every day!

And I turned off my alarm clock. Oops.

Well, the story is that Hilary slept over at a friend's house so Tyson wasn't screaming at her today. And when I wasn't up by 7:45, Kai sent his marching band (AKA Ray) to wake me up. His super brilliant plan to get me to wake up was to browse through my bookmarked pages and files. Silently.

I hate him.

So, after telling Ray off for going through my computer, I made him leave and went back to sleep.

Only I didn't because Tyson came rampaging through the doorway.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" I asked irritably, while password-protecting my desktop. (Yes, you read right: I said something irritably. It's been a LONG day. Well, a long fifteen minutes.)

"No, but I need the sugar stash. It's 'Make Kai More Interesting' time."

Ah, yes. 'Make Kai More Interesting Time' happens every once in a while when we slip Kai a bit of sugar. No, it doesn't make him hyper, but it _does_ make him scream at us. Which is definitely more interesting then he usually is.

So, agreeing to this proposition, I opened my closet and was immediately knocked over by an explosion of… stuff.

But we rummaged through this stuff until we came across the sacred box that goes by the name of: "SUGAR STASH". It's so sacred, the others don't even know it exists. Not that if they did they would care, but still.

Well, they might have just assumed it exists…

ANYWAY, I'm getting off track here.

So, we opened the box slowly and dramatically. It held so much candy that not even Tyson could finish it in a week. Okay, well maybe _Tyson_ could, but no one else.

There was everything from Jawbreakers to Nerds to Cherry Blasters, and any other candy you can think of. Except 'Chocolate Covered Cockroaches.' Just in case you thought of that. I did.

Tyson pulled out a little bag labeled "Kai's Sugar! :-)" and slipped it into his pocket. We shoved the candy back into its box and put everything back into its place in my closet.

Kai could be found reading the newspaper in the living room. Not that we needed him yet, there was still plotting to be done. Yeah, plotting. We created an exciting plan: pour our sugar into Kai's coffee, and run. Very elaborate planning, if I do say so myself. Which I do.

Just as we finished, Kai called. "Will one of you idiots bring me my coffee?"

That was our cue. I dumped the bag into the cup, stirred, and ran. Tyson carefully carried the mug into the living room, where Kai glared at him suspiciously.

"It isn't 'Make Kai More Interesting' time, is it? My throat hurts, I don't feel like yelling."

"No, no, it isn't," Tyson said far too quickly. He's hopeless at this.

Kai raised his eyebrows. "So, this time the sugar's in my coffee and Max is long gone and you're ready to be beaten up?"

"Wow, Kai, you're getting really good at this!"

I had been taking cover underneath Kai's chair. Yeah, I know, not very smart, but I got a good view that way. A good view of the back of Kai's legs. Kai's legs aren't very interesting. Actually, they bore me to death. So, being me, I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Kai stood up and stared at me. Tyson buried his face in his hands.

Crap.

"Crap," I said.

Then Kai turned green and his shirt ripped and he lifted up Tyson and threw him into a corner. Yeah, right, I _wish_ that'd happened. But instead, he rolled his eyes and walked out of the room.

"Oh, come on! That _sucked_!" I complained.

"I know! We didn't even get him to yell!" Tyson yelled.

Well, that was a tiny bit ironic.

"Maybe we should start making _Ray_ more interesting," I suggested.

"In what way?" Ray asked, walking into the room.

"That was really weird, the way you just jumped into the conversation as if you'd been here the whole time. That only happens on soaps and stuff," Tyson pointed out.

"Well, I'm a soapy kind of guy," Ray said smoothly.

"You're TOO soapy. This is like a movie," I complained.

"Are you hitting on me?" Ray asked, flashing a movie-star smile.

"No," Tyson and I said in unison.

"Just lay off the General Hospital for a bit, okay?" I suggested.

"But Sonny just got another law suit! Jason's trying to be a good guy and going insane! CARLY WANTS SONNY BACK!"

Uh… All I got out of that was "boot".

"So?" Tyson asked, scoffing. "That's nothing. On '_Days_', Bo gave Beth a shoulder to cry on…"

Okay, whatever. I left the room as the two freaks of nature argued about their soaps.

Then I slowly proceeded up the stairs to get to my computer… and was ambushed by none other then Kenny, who was rambling on about the usual.

"Do you think Kai likes me? He's sooooooooo hot…" Okay, no, more like "And then I analyzed it and something something something blade and something cheated and Tyson something something the something was so something and something technical!"

"Okay," I said shortly, proceeding up the stairs. And people wonder how I'm carefree.

Well, I've got to go train. Ciao, dudes!

Love from,

Everyone's best friend,

Max (Stands for Mother is an Absolute Xmoron) Tate


	3. Wednesday, Part 1

**Hey!**

**I'm back!**

_**NOTE! Sorry for the stupidity of this chapter. You've been warned.**_

[EDIT] Yeah, just had to keep that ^ warning in there. So in the interest of NOT changing the entire "plot" of the story I have kept the cheesy twist. The writing and typos are being improved, though. Anyway, if you haven't been keeping up with my Author's Notes, I'm back and am editing this story to make it less crap. :P [/EDIT]

_**ERM THE GREAT WAS THE FIRST ONE TO WRITE "Max stands for Mother is an Absolute Xmoron." NOT ANNOYING TALKING ANIMAL. Are you happy now! Another note: This chappa idea was brought to me by MyHeroKai. Yep. **_

Wednesday 

This morning was rather hectic. As I had set my alarm clock again, Hilary was back again, Ray and Kai were having an argument also, Chief was running around in panic and our neighbors were screaming for no apparent reason, there was a lot of… noise.

I went downstairs and was greeted by four smiling faces. Yeah, right. Ray was red in the face, and Kai was normal, as ever. They were arguing about something. I didn't catch what. Tyson and Hilary, on the other hand, were feuding over a stolen mouse pad. Uhm, what? Chief was spazzing about how the team seemed to have lost all sanity. I have to agree with him on that one.

I sat down in the kitchen, and pulled out some candy. I have taken to eating candy for breakfast. It's not like anyone tells me otherwise.

"Max, don't eat candy for breakfast," Chief suggested.

Okay, I lied. But who listens to Cheif anyway?

My candy-eating was interrupted when something small flew out of nowhere and hit me on the head. I mean, you can interrupt a conversation, a normal meal, or even a beybattle, but you can NOT interrupt candy-"eating" (or inhaling if you prefer).

So, naturally, I was furious. That is, until I turned to see what had hit me.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed, jumping around in excitement. Sitting innocently on the floor was an adorable little fluffy kitten. "It's a KITTEN!"

"I think we've established that, Max," Kai growled.

"Yeah…" Ray agreed. "There's a whole box of them."

"Really?" I was very excited. I mean, I would have preferred a puppy, but whatever.

"There are four."

"Cool! We can name them after our bit beasts!"

"That is what _I_ said!" Ray whined. "But _Kai_ says that's stupid."

"Moronic," Kai corrected.

"Whatever," Ray sighed.

"Stop flirting," Chief and I said in unison. Kai glared and Chief tried to make up for it. "Well then why don't you _each_ name one?"

"I don't have a problem with a Dranzer, but Dragoon just sounds really bad on a cat," Kai muttered.

The three of us stared at him.

"You… just said the longest sentence I've ever heard you say!" I squealed.

Kai rolled his eyes.

Then Tyson walked in the room. "WOW! It's a CAT!"

"Yes, Tyson, it is."

A few minutes later, the four kittens (One black, one gray, one brown and one white) were all playing on the floor, with the four of us sitting in a circle (square?) around them.

"I think I should dye mine blue," Tyson said thoughtfully, staring fondly at his brown kitten.

"Do and you're dead," Kai said venomously.

Tyson hid behind me, terrified.

"Why are you hiding behind _me_?" I asked.

"Because… Oh wait, never mind." Tyson said thoughtfully, crawling over to Ray. "Ray, you'll protect me, won't you?"

Ray rolled his eyes.

Kai was being different. He had his gray kitten in his hands, playing with it happily.

"Aw, Kai looks so sweet playing with his little kitty," Tyson squeaked.

"Tyson, shut up," Kai glared at him dangerously.

"No, he's right!" Ray grinned at me. He wanted me to play along? No way in hell!

"Don't you think it's cute, Max?" Tyson asked. Damn peer pressure.

"Not really… I mean, sure, Kai likes cats. Just like you like food," I told him.

Tyson raised one eyebrow. "Max, keep food out of this. Isn't it sweet how Kai can have a heart when he wants to?"

"Kai _does_ have a heart," I told him. "Or else he's be dead."

"You're impossible," Ray said, shaking his head.

"I won't give in to peer pressure," I grinned.

"But since when do you _not_ want to torture Kai?" Tyson asked.

"Uh… since now?"

"…" Kai piped up.

Oh, yeah. Kai's in the room. Thanks for the reminder.

"Max, you're changing. You usually _love_ to get into stuff like this!"

"…!" Kai said urgently.

Uh… Way to get our attention, Kai. I ignored him.

"I do love stuff like this! I'm just…"

"Hn." Kai hned.

"Tired," I said after a long pause.

"Hn!" Kai was getting annoyed now.

"But… you had sugar this morning!" Ray pointed out.

"HHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Kai roared.

We all stared at him.

"Yes?" I asked politely.

"Hn."

"Thanks for that," I grinned. "I feel fulfilled."

"Hn."

"What's with the sudden switch back to 'Anti-social Kai'?" asked Ray.

"Hn."

"Hn," I agreed, beaming at him.

"Argh!" Kai yelled.

"Dude, what's wrong?" Tyson asked, disturbed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Ray shrieked in panic.

"What?" I asked in shock.

Ray pointed wordlessly at a small house spider that was climbing the wall.

"Oh," Tyson said.

Uh oh. I HATE spiders!

"H-h-h-h-h-h-elp?" I asked quietly.

"Max? What's wrong with YOU?" Tyson asked.

"SPIDER! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" I screamed, running out of the room.

Okay, maybe 'HATE' was the understatement of the century.

Ray followed me, holding a pure white, wriggling kitten. "You forgot Draceil," he told me.

"Thanks," I said, grabbing the cat and running up to my room for shelter.

I played some games with the cat for a while. Then, the most unexpected thing possible happened. A crow flew into the window. I think it may be an omen. Of, uh, death.

"What is this place, a zoo?" I asked loudly.

Tyson appeared in the doorway. "Ooookay then," he said, seeing the crow that was flattened against the outside of my window. We watched as it slowly got to its feet and flew away. (No animal cruelty here!)

"Yeah," I agreed. "That was SO random."

"Tell me about it…"

"Yeah…"

"Uh huh…"

"JEEPERS!"

"HOLY COW!"

"FIDDLESTICKS!"

"GOLLY!"

"GEE WHIZ!"

"And that's all for 'A Trip to the Past," Ray joked. He, apparently, had joined us at the sound of the most corny lines ever to hit the face of the earth.

Well, maybe that doesn't make sense.

I mean, lines don't hit the earth, do they?

Kai, now, joined us.

"Hn. Mr. Dickinson called."

"Oh, really?" We all asked in unison, equally curious.

"Yeah. We're going to Florida."

CLIFFY! HA! I didn't know journals could have cliffys!


	4. Wednesday, Part 2

[EDIT] Blah blah blah, editing the fic, blah blah blah. [/EDIT]

**Max: Hi. I'm Max. Welcome back! This time, it's the second part of Wednesday. Last time, we just found out we were going to Florida and a crow crashed into my window. Just in case you care, THE CROW DID NOT DIE. No crows were harmed in the writing of that chapter. And ATA does NOT own Beyblade.**

Where did I leave off? Oh, right.

"We're going to Florida," Kai said.

"WHAT!" Me, Tyson and Ray yelled together.

"We're going to Florida," Kai said.

"WHAT!" Me, Tyson and Ray yelled together.

Ever get deja-vu?

"We're going to Florida," Kai said.

"WHAT!" Me, Tyson and Ray yelled together.

"We're going to Florida," Kai said.

"WHAT!" Me, Tyson and Ray yelled together.

Ever get deja-vu?

Sorry about that.

"ARGH!" Kai yelled in frustration.

"Sorry, sorry!" I said. "But, WHAT!"

Tyson sniggered.

Kai glared at me. "Pack. We're leaving in an hour."

"WHAT!" Me, Tyson and Ray yelled together.

Then, to make a long story short, we all lived happily ever after. The end.

Okay, okay, shut up, I'll do it. To make a long story short, we all packed. Not very exciting.

The trip to the airport was, though.

Since we were leaving our new kittens with chief, Ray was literally having a cow.

"Push, push!" Tyson screamed in agony.

Okay, okay. I swear I am actually done making stupid comments that didn't actually happen and are certainly NOT funny.

"Oh my God! Take good care of Drigger for me!" Ray wept.

"Yeah Dragoon too," agreed Tyson. "Oh, and the kittens too!" he added as an afterthought.

Ray rolled his eyes in dismay. Hm. That's a new one.

"Everybody dance now!" Shrieked Kai, doing a disco point.

Ooookay then. Someone forgot to take their pills.

I grinned cheerfully at the people who were watching apprehensively. "THEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS Nothing to see."

Ever seen 'Finding Nemo'?

Because, if you have, that was from Finding Nemo.

And that was also our In-Flight movie. Yum.

Yum?

I think I'm going insane.

"Yum," Tyson said casually, eating his sixth box of airplane food.

I handed over my full box in disgust. "You can have it, I hate airplane food."

"How can you eat that crap?" asked Ray.

Tyson grinned. "Easy! I pick it up and put it in my mouth!"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh," Moaned Kai.

Well… that came out wrong!

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh," complained Kai. "You guys are wastes of space."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed.

They stared at me in alarm.

"What? Long flights make me hyper!"

Unfortunately, the plane hadn't even taken off yet. It was gonna be a loooooong day. Night. Evening. Fiscal period. Whatever.

When the plane had reached the runway, Ray gripped his seat apprehensively. Oh, Ray. He thinks flying is unnatural.

"When are they gonna take off?" Tyson asked impatiently.

As if to answer his question, the pilot said, "Soon".

No, actually he didn't. Instead he just started the plane moving down the runway. In my excitement, I was gripping the arm rests of my seat so tightly that my knuckles turned white.

"Ow."

"Shut up," groaned Ray.

My smile grew wider as the plane gathered speed. "I love flying," I told him.

"Don't make me talk," Ray whispered.

"Why not?" I asked.

The person in the seat behind me promptly exploded.

"BANG!" Tyson screamed in delight.

"Oh my God! Naglafshzadagta! I'm too young for you to die!" Sobbed the guy who had been sitting beside her.

The plane, by then, had lifted off the ground. We soared over the ocean lazily, and me, Ray and Tyson were singing camp songs.

"But we all know frogs explode in the microwave! Explode in the microwave! Explode in the microwave! We all know frogs explode in the microwave! They don't go Mm Mm Aah!" We sang loudly.

Kai was banging his head against the window.

"Ooh! I know a good one!" I shouted. "My mother gave me a quarter, to buy a border! I didn't buy a border, I bought some bubblegum! Nee nee nee nee nee BUBBLEGUM! Nee nee nee nee nee BUBBLEGUM! Nee nee nee nee nee BUBBLEGUM! I bought some BUBBLEGUM!"

"Max, how did you 'buy a border'?" Ray asked.

"I didn't, I bought some bubblegum, weren't you listening?"

This went on for a while, as the passengers around us grew increasingly more annoyed every time we started a new song. It wasn't until Finding Nemo came on that we stopped singing to stare in awe at the brave journey.

"That ant on the floor carried that chip all the way down the aisle!" Tyson gasped.

The rest of the flight went the same. And then, of course, there's customs, where everyone goes all impatient…

Speaking of impatient, Ray wants to chat with his Chinese buddies. I'll leave you all, my bed awaits me where I will perform the act of sleeping…

Yes, Ray, I get it. He's threatening to unplug the compu-


	5. Thursday, I guess

[EDIT] AGAIN! I'm on a roll! (All in one night, eh?) (... um, yes, I am Canadian, eh?) Anyway, don't own, whatevs, you get it. [/EDIT]

Okay, Ray finally finished chatting.

I hate watching people chat. It's all:

Ray: JUYiuhewflugwdgdyowcfsagfuayste!

Chinese buddy: H';sdhujndsfdshgufbydugfiulsg!

Ray: G;lakjshedfiuwrehyifgweygeli!

Chinese buddy: Jiojefiueigifwu!

Yeah, I think you get the picture.

So, where was I? Oh, right. Customs. Lots of fun. We pretended we were from Glaskanofia. The guy stared at us like we were insane. Which we were. Considering we're Glaskanofian.

Well, Kai's not Glaskanofian. He said, "Sorry about them. We're from Japan." He rolled his eyes at us who were trying to speak Glaskanofianese.

"Kwar Gla Yag Raftad frong?" asked Tyson.

"Gleed fron fred gral slon," Ray replied earnestly.

"Shut up," growled Kai.

We finally got out of the airport and took a limo (I LOVE LIMOS!) to this house on the beach. Let's just say it's awesome.

"AWESOME!" screamed Tyson.

"Shut up Tyson!" Kai screamed.

I don't think Kai likes Tyson very much today. Or, well, any day. So we unpacked. Well, I unpacked my laptop and set it up. And then we went to the pool.

The pool was very exciting. First, Tyson pushed Kai in, then Kai got out and tackled Tyson and in the end everyone ended up very wet when Kai pushed us all into the deep end. Well I guess I didn't need to tell you the 'wet' part, right?

"ARGH! Kai, what was that for?"

"That was for being friends with Tyson," he smirked.

"… and CAW went the crow!" Tyson screamed.

We all stared at him.

Then he gasped and pointed.

We all turned in exasperation, expecting to see an acorn or something, but instead we saw a blue heron, standing proudly at the edge of the pool.

"Howdee do, storkeroo?" Tyson yelled at it.

It advanced slowly. Tyson shrieked and dove under the water.

Kai sat down on a lounge chair and watched amused, as the heron continued to advance. I, being the genius of the team, got out of the pool and ran like hell. Ray followed, but Tyson, being Tyson, stayed and watched with interest.

Well, that was a disappointment in the end. The heron only flew away. Whatever. I had been looking forward to seeing Tyson get mauled by a bird, but hey, what can you do?

Anyway, ladies and gents, we had a spectacular afternoon swimming and, in my case, burning.

I arrived back at the house looking like a lobster. I stumbled into my room and lay down on my bed. Tyson followed.

"Max?"

"Ngh?"

"Max?"

"Ngh?"

"Maxie?"

"Ngh?"

"MAX!!!"

"Tyson, I HEARD you," I shouted.

"Wow, no need to yell," he replied. "How's it going, buddy?"

"I have a sun burn."

"I know, you look like a lobster." He paused and thought about that. "Mmm... I wonder how you'd taste with butter?"

Umm... Give me a second to erase that moment from my memory, please.

"Tyson... What the HELL?"

"What?" he asked defensively. "Lobsters with butter sauce, you know?"

"I know, but... Tyson... What the HELL?"

"Tyson, stop terrorizing Max," Kai shouted from the other room.

"But Maxie loooves me!"

I stared at him in horror. "Oh, God, you actually think I'm a lobster, don't you?"

"No," Tyson replied, shaking his head violently. Then he whipped a bottle out from behind his back. At first I thought it was butter sauce (oh, Lord help me) but it ended up being blue.

"Burn relief! Aren't I just the greatest?"

I laughed. "Ty, you're just the greatest, and also the weirdest person I've met in my life." I took the burn relieving gel. "Hey, lets go out for lobster!"

"LOBSTER!" Tyson roared, running out of the room. I heard him get pummelled by Kai on the way. Oh well, you can't have everything, right?

Is that the right cliche for that situation? Oh, who knows. Until next time,

Your favourite,

And all that other stuff,

Maxie the Lobster


	6. TGIF

[EDIT]: Heyheyheyyy, editing the fic, whatevs whatevs, you get it, moving along. :P Beyblade is officially disclaimed by me. Don't own. [/EDIT]

**Max: Heh heh… Warnings are same as usual. Insanity, randomness, implied yaoi (but not with me, with Ray and Kai, and it's barely implied at all, this fic is ship-free thus far.) Congratulations on reading this far into the story and not closing the window, you're all very talented to the extreme.**

Max's Note: And that last chapter was pathetic, I know. Way too short. And therefore, I'd like to make this one as long as possible. Which may not be very long. Oh, and considering that chapter wasn't funny either, let's try to enjoy ourselves

**Friday, I think… I hope…**

Woke up this morning, and what did I see? Absolutely nothing. No, I didn't go blind, it was just dark. Figures.

"Max, get your ass out of bed NOW," Kai yelled from outside the doorway. I rolled my eyes, and then rolled out of bed onto the floor. Ow…

"What are you doing?" asked Kai, still talking through the door.

"I'm throwing things."

"….. hn."

I amused myself picking up a nearby slipper and throwing it at the door.

"Max, you blonde idiot, get UP!"

"Okay, okay, no reason to scream…"

"Max, we're leaving in five minutes. Even TYSON's up."

"Wow, Tyson's up?" I asked, standing up and putting all of the blankets and pillows back on the bed- they fell when I rolled off. "And where are we going?"

"Max," Ray's voice said. "We're going to the beach, so get up."

"Well, Kai could have just told me that," I said exasperatedly, getting dressed.

"But Kai's not the social type, is he?"

"No… ow…" I tried combing my hair, but it was tangled. Oh well, who needs neat hair? Other then Ray, that is. Can you imagine how long that would take to wash… dry… brush… ahhh.

"Max, pick up some food on your way," Tyson said. Um…

"Sure, I'll just stop by the fast food place in my closet…" I said sarcastically.

"Would you?" I heard Kai hit him over the head.

"Why is everyone gathered outside my doorway?" I asked, tidying up my room. You never know when my insane mother will turn up.

"We're waiting for you. Why are you up so late?" Ray was so calm. Kai was all… screamy. Well, what can you do?

"Because I don't usually get up early on holidays… Newsflash…"

"Put that in your pipe and smoke it," Tyson commented, receiving yet another blow to the head as I opened the door.

"So, let's get out of here," Ray said cheerfully, grabbing his purse and heading out the door.

"Got your lipstick all packed, Ray?" Kai asked. What a dry sense of humor he has… quite funny, though.

"I feel jived," Tyson exclaimed. We all stared at him in horror.

"Always a tricky thing knowing what you're talking about, Tyson," Kai commented. Why was he in such a good mood? Maybe he enjoys having a crowd of gasping girls in bikinis surrounding him as he tries to sit in the shade with a piece of grass in his mouth. What is he, a cow? Mooo… ha!

Anyway…

So it was then that we realized that Ray was holding not a purse but a beach bag. Same thing, really, considering it was flowered.

"So, Ray, you've made the big switch?" asked Tyson. I think he was dead serious.

Ray rolled his eyes. "It's a bag, Tyson, for storing things."

Wait, wasn't it me who joined a KaiXRay fanlisting? Ah, well. Nothing wrong with that, nothing at all.

"Can we get ice cream?" Tyson asked as we got into a random car.

"Yes, ice cream would be great," I added, realizing that I was starving.

"Yes, please Kai?" Ray asked, trying out his puppy dog face. Not bad, but I'm still the champion.

Kai rolled his eyes. "No."

"But Kaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiii," I whined. "It's a holiday, and we're hungry, and ice cream would be really nice, and-"

"No."

"PPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSEEEE?" the three of us tried.

"No."

Well, this called for desperate measures. I looked him straight in the eyes, widening my eyes as much as I could, and letting my lower lip tremble. Kai looked away, but I made him look back.

"Oh, fine."

YESSS! None can resist Max Tate's all-famous puppy dog look.

Tyson clapped me on the back. "Nice one, Max."

I grinned at him. Modesty is over-rated, I say.

Kai was still, apparently, in a good mood. Well, as far as Kai moods go, anyway. He even turned the radio on while Ray hot wired the engine… Heh heh… Noooooo, it was our car! Honest!

Some crap talk show was playing. Something about education… ha ha, that's a laugh and a half. Education? No one cares about education… well, except for Chief… my parents… most parents, actually. I'm arguing my own point here, how sad is that?

We drove to a nearby ice cream store. The lady at the cash asked what we wanted in one of those southern accents.

I, being the charismatic one of the team, said, "Hi, I'd like three scoops of strawberry with a chocolate cone, and my pet echidna would like-"

Kai shoved me over before I could order for him. "Sorry. I'll have vanilla."

Tyson bounded over. "Ooh, can I have two chocolate cones, one with three scoops of rocky road and one with three scoops of cookie dough-"

"Tyson, I am NOT paying for all that," Kai told him with a murderous glance.

"Yes you are," he corrected, as the stunned woman handed him the two cones.

"I'll have one scoop of chocolate please," Ray told her politely with a smile, handing over enough money for himself.

I pulled out five bucks and gave it to her. Tyson grumbled about not wanting to buy his own food, but eventually gave in and handed her a ten- considering how much he ordered. Kai paid for the rest unwillingly. We left the little store with the ice cream in tow, and got I the car. Kai sat in the driver's seat, and the rest of us filed in, Tyson with some difficulty due to him having his hands full.

"Okay, beach, here we come," Ray said to the ocean.

"How did I get stuck with these people?" Kai asked no one in particular, pulling out of the driveway and starting on the way to the beach.

End of the chapter already? Until next time, then.

Your FAVOURITE 3,

Maxie the Ice Cream Fiend


	7. TGIF again

[EDIT]: LAST ONE! Yaay! Hey, I might actually update this fic. 3 years too late. Btw, don't own. [/EDIT]

Max's Note: Hey, pain tolerant readers! Are you ready for this next chapter? Warnings are the same as usual- insanity, randomness, etc. You know the drill.

"OOH! Ooh! COSTCO!" Tyson exclaimed, pointing to the store as we drove along a highway. "Kai, can we go in? Pplleeaaassee?"

Kai rolled his eyes. "No."

"Yes?" I asked.

"No."

"Yes?" Ray suggested.

"No."

"Yes?" we all said together.

"Noooooooo. Ok, fine."

We all stared at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Gremlins?" asked Tyson suddenly. We all turned to stare at him.

"Uh, Kai… watch the road," Ray suggested, pointing.

Kai rolled his eyes and turned around to see a 184 wheeler.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Ray, Tyson and I screamed.

"HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Kai roared, slamming on the breaks. The truck stopped too, and Ray rolled down his window.

"DUDE!" he shouted. "YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!"

The driver gave Ray the finger.

Kai rolled his eyes and pulled Ray's head back into the car. "Americans," he mumbled.

"HEY!" I said indignantly. "I'm American too!"

"ME THREE!" Tyson exclaimed.

"Uh, no, you're not," Ray told him as Kai swerved around the 184 wheeler and pulled into the Costco parking lot.

"Ooooooooh!" Tyson ooh-ed, running in through the doors. That is, until he ran into the glass.

"Tyson, that's not an automatic door," Ray told him smugly.

"But it saaayyyyys 'Manual Automatic Door!' Tyson whined, rubbing his nose.

"Manual means you have to open it yourself." Kai said, pulling it open.

"But automatic means it'll open on its own," I added. "So, technically, they should choose one or the other."

"Maybe it's actually a manual automatic door," Ray compromised. "Maybe when you get there you call a worker to come and open it for you. Manual, and automatic at the same time."

We dropped this topic of conversation and went into the store. The first thing we saw was food samples.

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" Tyson roared, running to the first one and devouring a sample of eyeglass cleaner.

The rest of us walked away, pretending we didn't know him. We did stop at a candy sample place, however. I, being a professional, know how to manage my candy, but Ray isn't quite as lucky. Soon he was completely hyperactive. Not to mention Kai. Yes, you heard correctly. Kai Hiwatari. On a sugar high.

Yep.

Yeah, I know. Miraculous.

Amazing.

Never before seen.

I'll shut up now.

Ray raced off into the clothing department, Kai right behind him. Soon they were playing a game if hide-and-seek. I positioned myself on a shelf of polka-dotted luggage to watch.

Ray dodged Kai and hid behind a rack of dandelion yellow spandex angora rabbit socks in four packs. He crouched and chanted "I'm not suspicious, I'm not suspicious, I'm not suspicious, I'm not suspicious…" under his breath. Kai pointed dramatically from his lookout point (on top of shelves upon shelves laden with two-for-one pink electrifying pianos) and said, "I FOUND YOU!" loudly enough for the whole store to hear. I buried my face in my hands, knowing what was coming next.

"HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Kai screamed, running frantically from rabid fangirls.

"Talk about a sugar crash," I commented conversationally to Ray, who was now laughing in Kai's expense.

We saw Kai duck into the men's washroom and the fangirls walk away, disappointed. Serves them right. Kai's not very interesting, anyway. All he ever says is 'hn.' Oh, and 'I'm burning this ruby pink binder, so get back to me later.' Actually, that's his cell phone's voice mail recording, so I hear it every five minutes. He never picks up his cell.

So five minutes later, Kai ran out of the washroom, screaming 'HNNNNNNNNN!' again. This time he was holding up a pair of enormous pants. Apparently in the heat of things he lost his belt. Oh my.

"I'm not even gonna ask," I said, turning and walking away.

I set off to find Tyson, but he was nowhere to be found. I called his cell.

"Hello?" Tyson answered.

"Hi, who's this?"

"It's Tyson! ... Wait, you called me!"

"I know, right?"

"Right!"

"So, where are you?"

"I'm eating in the section with all the food samples."

Kai came up behind me. "We're leaving."

"Bye, Tyson. We're leaving you here."

"Bye… WAIT!"

Kai rolled his eyes, and walked over to Tyson who had been standing three feet away from me, grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, and dragged him out to the car. Ray and I followed.

**"ATA: So, guys, I'll update ASAP, which'll probably be in a year and three quarters, but still!"**

**Hahaha, it's been like, three years. Ha ha ha. Oops. Sorry about that.  
**


	8. Screw It

**Max's Note: Welcome to Confessions of an All-American Blonde, otherwise titled "FML". I'm Max, the ever cheerful protagonist. That's right, I'm feeling just peachy, just fu-**

Max, don't be a drama queen. I have something to clear up with the readers first.

*Taps mic* Ahem.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

Also, I don't own Beyblade. Okay, Max, off you go.

**Max's Note Continued: -ing peachy. I'd tell you what day of the week it is but I don't know, or care. The author would like to note that the random humour has been cut down considerably and in fact, this chapter isn't very funny. Let's just get this over with. Rip off the band-aid or whatever.**

Dear Diary,

Shoot me in the face.

Love, Max.

Max, with his horribly DISGUSTING hair. That is me. Hi, I'm ugly Max. Nice to meet you.

Standing in front of my mirror, gaping in horror, I felt my hands clench and my mind buzz. Max does _not_ have bad hair days. If he did, he would not be Max, because Max does not have bad hair days and therefore does NOT have bad hair days. Why? Because he's Max.

And yet here I am, my hair sticking up at every angle. Some locks are frizzy, some wavy, some looking like something Dr. Seuss would come up with. Also, I look lobster-tastic with my beet red skin. Who are you, reflection, and what have you done with me?

Good Lord, save me. Hair gods, where are you when I need you? I wonder if there's a religion with a god of hair I could convert to.

Developing a plan to sacrifice Tyson to the hair gods I ran my fingers through the yellow tangles and looked in the mirror hopefully. What was it mom always used to do to get it all shiny and bouncy? I can't remember, I always spent the whole time complaining…

I rummaged and pulled on torn jeans and a T-shirt followed by a white sweater. It was hot out, but my lobster claws (which others might refer to as arms, were they not burnt to a crisp in the sun a day previously) did not need to be in plain view. My room was clean except for my unmade bed and my empty coffee cup from earlier this morning. A warm tropical breeze came through the window and, irritably, I went over and slammed it shut before sitting on the floor stubbornly. Kai would come knocking in thirty seconds and I would _not_ leave my room. Instead, I will sit here on the floor.

"Max."

There it was; the knocking noise and my name being called through the door. I stared at the floor and ignored it.

"Max?"

Kai was used to me opening the door with a bright smile and a ready-to-go attitude. Ray will have already left his room with that complacent expression of his, looking pleased to be awake. After me Kai will go to Tyson, who will whine and throw pillows for an hour and a half. Not today, my friends, not today. I may have to throw a Class A temper tantrum.

"Max, get up."

"No."

"You're awake now, you might as well."

Wow, he wasn't yelling for once. He was trying to reason with me, but his so called 'logic' would not penetrate my hair to reach my brain. "We don't have to do anything anyway," was my stony response as I started to get to my feet in search of something large to throw.

"Yes we do. We're going out for breakfast."

I felt my stomach turn over at the thought of buttermilk pancakes as a lie sprung to my lips. "I don't want any."

"Yes you do."

He knows me too well, I guess. I heard footsteps and knew they were Ray's, since Tyson won't be up until 11:00. "What's going on?"

"Max won't get up."

I heard the door knob turn and dove under the covers. Without a word I recognized the weightless feeling of Ray on the side of my mattress.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Maybe I'm not so good at this temper tantrum thing. Under the blankets I fumbled to pull up the hood of my white fleece-lined sweater just in time for Ray to pull the comforter off of me.

"Um, Max, you're dressed."

I curled my faded jean clad legs against my chest. "So?"

Kai looked like he was pretending not to be confused. Ray suddenly gasped.

"It's your hair!"

I clapped a hand over the golden bangs falling in front of my eyes. "How did you know? You - you're a WITCH!"

"No, I just – whatever, let me fix it, okay? One second."

Ray jumped off the bed and ran silently to his room. He returned and before I could protest had pulled down my hood with the side of his arm and ran his already cream-coated hands through my hair.

Metrosexual to the rescue, huh?

Kai rolled his eyes and left the room as I glanced nervously in the mirror, but Ray eventually managed to work out the weird twists with a comb. Finally he stood back and admired his work.

"Ray, you're weird," I sighed as I heaved myself off the bed, feeling uncharacteristically exhausted. "But thanks."

"You sound miserable," was his response. "What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Tyson!" Ray called out into the hallway. "What did you do to Max?"

"Ray, shut up!" I hissed. "Don't let him think – too late."

A pyjama pants clad Tyson had flung himself into my room and was lying on the floor on his face.

"MAXIE!"

"Tyson, I'm fine!" He didn't appear to listen as he leapt up, threw his arms around me and knocked me onto the floor with him.

"Ow! Ty – ow, my – my SKIN! OW!"

Tyson did not notice the agony he was causing. Instead, he started interrogating me. "Maxie, my lobster, what happened? Why aren't you smiling, bud? What's wrong, friend? What can I do for you, pal?"

I forced him off of me. "Forget it. Let's get breakfast. Ty, get dressed. You have to look nice so that I can sacrifice you."

He didn't seem to catch the last part. "I'm dressed enough for breakfast."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No shirt, no shoes, no service," Ray threw in as he made his way out of my room after opening the window again. "Put on a shirt and shoes and we'll go get you some food."

Tyson nodded and hungrily set off for Kai's closet, probably to eat his shoes or something as an appetizer. I looked in the mirror at my stinging lobster skin and sighed as I followed them out of my room.

That was a mistake. The second I left the house I tripped over my shoelace and face planted onto the pavement. Then as we got in the car I hit my head. Five minutes later my seatbelt locked and I nearly suffocated as Kai drove along as if this were a Mario Kart race, dodging cars, aiming for mushrooms and so on. I fell out of the car when we parked at the breakfast buffet.

"Max, your nose is bleeding," Kai said conversationally as I stumbled towards the breakfast buffet.

"No shit, I just fell on my face."

"Maybe you should… fix it."

"Maybe you should shut up," I said moodily, wiping my face with my sleeve.

"Maybe you should _lighten_ up," Ray threw in.

"Maybe you should mind your own business."

"Maybe you should buy me a pet ferret," Tyson added smartly.

"Maybe you should see a doctor," Ray suggested to Tyson.

"Maybe your MOM should see a doctor," Ty countered. "Hey, Max, your nose is bleeding. Maybe you should –"

Before he could finish my phone started ringing. It played 'If you're Happy and You Know It' so I answered as quickly as my hand allowed.

"Hey, Max."

"I told you not to call here."

"I'm coming to visit you tonight."

I stopped dead, gaping at the pavement. The others stared at me (that is except Tyson, who was staring avidly at a pine cone).

I'm pretty sure I was silent for fifteen minutes, listening to my mom going "Max, honey, are you there? Did something happen?" and feeling Tyson poking my leg with a stick he found. I eventually allowed Ray and Kai to close the phone and steer me to sit down on the pavement.

"Kai…"

"No, Ray, you have to do it."

"Oh, but – But _Kai_! You're the captain!"

"It was your idea."

"B-but – I can't!"

Eventually Kai heaved a sigh and sat down beside me. "Max, Ray had a really stupid idea last night."

"Are you going to describe your first time together? Honestly, that's great, but I can't stomach that right now, thanks."

Kai rolled his eyes. "Where the hell do you get this stuff?"

"So what was his idea, drugs? Streaking? Grand theft auto?"

"Actually, he decided not to put real sugar in your coffee cup."

Ray mumbled something about 'good for your health', but I ignored him and looked at Kai earnestly.

"So you mean… there's nothing wrong with me?"

"Max, there is a lot wrong with you."

"I mean in comparison to what's normal."

"Nothing about you is normal."

"Normal for me."

"Nothing is normal for you."

"Kai, just say yes."

"Yes."

"YES!" I yelled, jumping up. "Let's get pancakes, then go back and bolt the doors several thousand times so that my mom needs a chainsaw to get in."

"Is that really necessary?" Ray asked, looking relieved that I hadn't cried or something.

"Yeah, 'fraid it is."

"Chainsaws? Can I eat those?" Tyson asked, bobbing up and down behind Ray.

"Go for it," Kai shrugged. Ray and I exchanged sheepish smiles as the four of us walked closer to the pancakes. I mean, restaurant. God, I haven't had any sugar all day!

The buffet line was one of the most beautiful sights in my life. I got my pancakes and doused them in butter, syrup and even a scoop of vanilla ice cream. The care it took to put this together seamlessly was great for not having to watch the disgusting spectacle that is Ty, although I did notice Kai miming shooting himself in the face and Ray telling him to stop being so rude.

As Tyson dug through a heap of eggs and bacon I spotted a three foot high flame which was being used to cook… something. I didn't care. It was perfect.

"Muah ha ha ha ha! I sacrifice this fire to the Hair Gods!" I cried, throwing Tyson's cap into the flames.

"NO!" he roared, running after it. I watched him try to put out the flames with butter as Kai laughed demurely. Ray took this as a chance to dump Tyson's full plate onto the floor before slumping back onto his chair, exhausted from exposure to such lack of manners. I grinned and finished my pancakes as Tyson returned to the table without his cap, instead with a plate of sausages. Ray put his head down on the table in horror.

"Can you sacrifice all of him next time?" Kai asked me subtly as Ty dug into his sausages.

The devil just walked into our rented home.

I think I may have cried had I not eaten a bag of sour candy, four cookies and downed a cup of sweet tea. Instead I smiled cheerfully and allowed her to criticize me for four and a half hours.

"And Max, you have shadows under your eyes."

"The sun doesn't reach there, see."

"Get more sleep."

"You told me ten minutes ago to wake up earlier."

"Well, go to bed earlier."

"You said that I should stay up at night studying. Shall I invent a time machine?"

Mom rolled her eyes and patted my leg as I shrunk away in an 'awkward, please don't touch me there' kind of way. "It's okay, just take naps during the day. So, any girlfriends?"

"Mom."

"What? You're old enough now, aren't you?"

"Mom, I am really uncomfortable right now."

"So you've never been kissed, have you? I bet your friend Ray would do it." Ray, who had been reading on the couch opposite, looked up and winked at me. We both started laughing uncontrollably, his book sliding onto the floor.

"No thanks," I grinned at Ray.

"Oh, okay. What about… What girls do you know? Hilary?"

"MOM!"

"What? What's wrong with girls? Okay, okay, what about Kai?"

I put my face in my hands, put my hands on the coffee table, missed and slipped onto the floor. "Can you stop playing matchmaker and start leaving, please?" I asked, my voice muffled into the carpet.

"Not until you let me organize your suitcase, Max."

Lordy lord. And she wonders why I moved to Japan.

"I'm old enough to organize my suitcase."

"But not old enough to have a real relationship, right?"

"What do you know about – oh, whatever."

"Don't be dramatic."

"I'm not. See?" I put on an enormous smile, fighting not to move my face. "Shrr urrhh yrhhh levvvhhn?"

"Pardon?"

"Are you leaving?"

"At least let me fold your socks, I know you never do it."

"Yeah, because it's stupid."

"Folding socks is not stupid."

Way to lay down the law, mom.

I will hold your motherly lessons close to my heart for the rest of my life.

I understand fully now: folding socks is in fact the most intelligent thing one can waste an hour and a half on. (I'm not kidding, she actually worked on it for that long). How could I have been led so astray? How could my socks have gone so long, lost, alone and unfolded?

Where would I be in life without this information? In bed is where I would be, since I wouldn't have typed that last paragraph and would instead have gone to sleep.

Speaking of which, night night, world.

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE**

I have some important items for you, actually. Here they are:

1. I think we're beyond the point of apologies now, given that I haven't updated in three years. In my time off I've been doing a LOT of general fiction writing and I think my skills have improved enough for me to throw in a plot – what do you think?

2. I couldn't dive back into FFNet without lurking a bit first, of course. In my lurking I have fallen in love with the Max/Kai ship. This story will, of course, remain ship-less, but forgive me if I hint towards them by accident!

3. I am now capable of writing more than just comedy. The story may end up having some slightly darker or more emotional moments. I'm still going to keep it funny, though!

4. In my absence an author called Purple-Kissed-Wishes posted a story called Confessions of a Blader (the sequel is Chronicles of Max). While they have a slightly similar context, I stopped updating this one three years ago. Thus, any similarities in the general setup of both stories are PURELY COINCIDENTAL. Additionally, it's a great read! That's right, go read it, why are you still here?


	9. Sunny Sundays

**Max's Note: Hey, guys. Thanks for coming back for me after all this time! It's Sunday now. Happy Sunday!**

Yeah, whatever. Hello there! This is ATA reporting from her laptop. Another update, huh? And next chapter is the TENTH one, oh my. Also, thanks a million for all the reviews. You guys are great. 

Don't own anything.

Who doesn't sleep in on a Sunday morning? I mean, there's never anything to do on Sundays. It's the day when you lie in bed doing nothing, isn't it?

Well, no, it isn't. It's 7:30 in the morning and I can only dream about my bed as I crawl out of it to the sound of Kai knocking. Getting up, I walked over to the door and pulled it open.

"Too early. Go away."

Kai smiled in a 'yeah, right' kind of way. "We have shit to do, Max. Come on."

"No." I made to shut the door but he caught it and raised his eyebrows.

"Ray's bringing your coffee, this time it has sugar in it."

"I just want to sleep for five more minutes."

"Get ready, Max." Kai turned around and walked away and I sighed, slamming the door.

I climbed onto my bed and pulled the covers over my head. I was just starting to drift off when I heard my door open.

"Go away."

"Max, get up."

"Ray?"

"Yeah, I have your coffee."

I didn't move. "Put it down somewhere."

"No, it'll ruin the furniture."

I sighed heavily and sat up, taking the blanket off of my head. I took the mug and smiled until Ray left, then put it on my bedside table and got back under the blankets.

I got about half an hour's worth of tossing and turning before Kai was on my case. He didn't knock, he walked right in.

"Kai, you're not respecting my privacy."

He ignored me and walked up to the bed. He grabbed my ankles and started to drag me off of the bed. When my entire body fell to the floor I glared up at Kai with watery first-thing-in-the-morning eyes. It took a moment for them to adjust as I stared at him.

"Has anyone ever told you how weird your eyes are?" I asked sincerely, looking up at him intensely.

Kai just raised his eyebrows. "Get up."

"No, seriously, they're totally unnatural."

"Drink your coffee."

"Okay, mom," I said mockingly.

Kai, my new adoptive mother, walked out of the room in silence. Not getting up from the floor I grabbed the mug of lukewarm coffee and downed it before attempting to untangle myself from the sheets.

Five minutes later I had freed myself with the help of Tyson. I emerged from my room to find out what fun and exciting Sunday activities had been planned by good old Kai, who loves fun and exciting things.

"We have to go grocery shopping," he said simply between bites of toast.

"This _really_ has to be a group effort?" Ray asked. The four of us sat at the kitchen table, Ray busy flicking through a catalogue. "I could do it on my own."

"No, you couldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because of the bees," Tyson said seriously. We all took a moment to stare at him before continuing.

"I don't want to go," I said, looking at Ray who I knew was the more reasonable one.

"Well if Kai says so…"

"You _would_ take his side."

"He's our captain, I have to."

I sighed, Ray is such a rule follower. I turned my attention to Mr. We-All-Have-to-Go Grocery-Shopping, who was sitting to my right.

"Kai."

"Hn."

"We don't need four people to go grocery shopping. You and Ray can go. It'll be romantic; your first outing as a couple."

Kai and Ray heaved a sigh in unison. Ray stood up, tucked some loose strands of hair back and grabbed the car keys before Kai followed his progress to the front door. Thinking I had dodged a bullet I leaned back on my seat and finished the last of my peanut butter and jam toast.

Ray poked his head back into the kitchen. "Hey, um, guys, you know there will be _food_ there, right?"

Piled in the car, heading for the grocery store. To pass the time Tyson and I began singing Christmas carols.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells,

Jingle all the way!

Oh what fun it is to ride

On a one horse open sleigh,

HEY!"

"Shut up," Ray sighed, rubbing his temples.

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Everywhere you go!

Um…"

Tyson and I trailed off in unison and looked at each other.

"What's the next line?" I asked, defeated.

"No idea," Tyson sighed. "Okay, new song.

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty Hogwarts,

Teach us something please

Whether we be old and bald or young with scabby knees

Our heads could do with filling

With some interesting stuff

For now they're bare and full of air

Dead flies and bits of fluff."

"Yeah, I can tell," Kai spoke over our loud singing. He pulled into the grocery store parking lot and we got out of the car.

"Are you calling me stupid?" Tyson asked as we walked into the automatic doors.

Yes, you read right, we walked into them. Not through them.

Eventually they slid open and we went through them. Tyson set off eagerly for a shelf full of cat grass.

"Max, can we trust you to cover bulk and bakery?" Ray asked, glancing down a three foot long shopping list.

"Sir yes sir!" I shouted, saluting before grabbing a shopping basket and marching off to the bakery section. Left, left, left right left. Left, left, left right left.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"Do you know how to get to Kitchener from here?" I asked innocently, smiling up at the employee.

"Um, no."

"Then no, you can't help me," I said, walking in the direction of a display of pies. I put a cherry one into my basket before working on the cookies.

Two boxes of cookies, a huge brownie, some little powdered donuts and a coffee cake were piled carefully in my basket as I left the bakery section for the bulk paradise two aisles down. Oh the candy.

I grinned at it for a full minute before starting to pile it into bags. A lot of bags. Twenty-five to give you an exact count. I'm pretty good at counting you know. Anyway, I was kind of overflowing.

As I dropped three bags and caught two which had fallen from my shoulders between my knees, Tyson came tearing down the aisle, shopping cart flailing in front of him.

"AHAHAHAAAAAAAA!" he roared as he leapt in the air and landed with his feet on the edge of the hurtling shopping cart. I dove out of the way as the cart smashed into the candy display.

"TYSON!" Ray yelled, running after him with an armful of beets. Why was he getting beets? I still haven't worked that out. Anyway, he was beet red. See what I did there? This is high quality comedy right here. Anyway. "What the hell are you doing? This is a grocery store!"

"YOU'RE a grocery store," he replied from his crumpled spot on the floor.

"Good one, Tyson," I commented dully. I'd landed in a display of liquid paper and wasn't thrilled about it.

The cart had rolled away, but Kai, being a ninja and all (oops, wasn't supposed to let that one slip, sorry, you didn't hear it from me) caught it from the other end and dumped a pile of vegetables into it. "Tyson, did you get the shower curtain?"

"Why, did you wear yours out?"

"Don't worry about it," Kai dismissed him. Ray caught my eye and we both started giggling madly.

See, I know I make Ray seem a bit dull, but he's got a sense of humour when it counts.

I dumped my stuff into the shopping cart and decided to join Tyson when he went off to find a shower curtain. Everyone knows that shower curtains are exciting adventures every time. Fun for the whole family and all that.

We had to pass through the toy aisle, but the stuff was really cheesy.

"Toys aren't as cool as they used to be," Tyson sighed, looking at a kind of stupid looking rubber sword.

"It's because of the bees," I suggested without thinking as we entered the bedding section.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. What kind of grocery store _is_ this?! Well, it's a superstore. Yeah, put that in your pipe and smoke it, plot hole finders.

Anyway, bedding isn't very exciting.

I'm totally lying, bedding is awesome. Tyson and I found a large display of pillows and built a fort out of them, then sat inside it, laughing to ourselves. In evil voices. For ten minutes.

Eventually Kai found us and knocked it over. "Will you two just go and find the bloody shower curtain?!"

"Okay, okay," I conceded, allowing Tyson to drag me towards a display of elephant shaped soap dispensers. "But it's going to have Hannah Montana on it, just so you know."

FIN!

Well not really, I'm not dead or anything.

And I may post another chapter pretty soon, if I get around to writing one.

Only this particular chapter is over is what I'm trying to say.

Not the whole story.

Peace.

A/N: I don't own Beyblade, Christmas Carols, the Hogwarts Song, Hannah Montana or elephant-shaped soap dispensers (though I wish I did). Kitchener is a town somewhere in Ontario and for some reason is the first place that came to mind. Also, sorry about the lack of plot. I'll think of one eventually.

Thanks much :3


End file.
